TV Show of the Year

Okay so this was a tough one for me. Let’s first get out of the way that I have completely given up on network TV. For about 2 seconds Heroes seemed to have something positive going for it but it devolved into a shambolic mess in a hurry.

HBO has long been the gold standard for series having given us shows like Six Feet Under, The Sopranos and The Wire (more on that in a minute). But in recent years Showtime has stepped up it’s game with Dexter and Californication and now regular cable channels like AMC, A&E and SciFi have stepped up with some amazing shows. So here are my top three:

Bronze medal: Californication. David Duchovny is absolutely brilliant in this show about a writer who fails and fails again but keeps getting up and is so damn lovable. It is also a ridiculously funny ass show. Warning following clip NSFW.

Silver Medal: Mad Men

Simply a brilliant show. Amazing acting. Screenwriters are unbelievable and just look at those clothes. Any man who says he doesn’t want to be Donald Draper is lying through his teeth.

Gold Medal: The Wire. This year the best series ever produced for television came to an end after 5 glorious seasons. It went out on top. If you have never heard of the Wire or never watched it. Stop reading this go to your Netflix queue or local video store and start with season 1. Never has a show produced such an incredibly real portrait of urban America. Nobody is truly good or bad. The writers for this show are truly the best ever. Every episode is so richly packed with nuance and the relatively unknown actors, mostly African-American which is a rarity in Hollywood, shine.

And was there ever a better character created than Omar Little?

I cried when the last episode aired. It was truly a gem in a sea of floatsom and poo.

Portland Restaurant of the Year

Okay so I judge a restaurant on more than just food. It has to make you want to stay and eat and whisper sweet things in someone’s ear or laugh for hours with friends over bottles of wine.

The food is the most important thing but not the only thing. To wit, I am calling Alu, Portland’s Restaurant of the Year. The word I use for this place is “shimmers”. From the amazing castle like front door to the lighting to the wall treatments that look like 6 layers of fabric and paint. You will feel like you have been transported back to some place in Western Europe. And that’s the point.

My friend Sandro cooks and operates this place and is German but has traveled the world as well. It took him nearly two years to get everything ready and his dedication shows. His influences show in the menu and wine selection. I would call the food light-German with some continental influences. I’m not a traditional fan of German food – too heavy – but he manages to make things lighter than expected. The cheese plate is one of the best I have ever had and we need to talk about the wine.

Great Wine list but more importantly the wine is served at the right temperature. Too many places think that just because it is a red wine they can just leave it sitting around and what you get is a warm, acidic mess. Alu does the wine right. Perfect temperature in gorgeous wine glasses.

So here’s to you Alu!

Best Music Video of the Year

All American Rejects. I just love this video because it combines the funny and painful at the same time. The “I hope you enjoy your life!” with the “I told you so” with the “Please come back”.

There is a little bit of the rocker and a little bit of the suburban man in all of us. Some just choose to express one side more than the other.

Movie of the Year

This is a tough one for me. There Will Be Blood and No Country for Old Men were brilliant in their own brooding, violent, gorgeously shot way. Juno was a pitch perfect comedy on a subject that could have easily gotten pedantic in both directions and I thought the Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford was a criminally overlooked film that possesses some of the most beautiful cinematography and score that I have seen in awhile.

But in the end it had to be Wall E. How can a movie about robots and basically zero dialogue in English be so damn charming? Perhaps because it has zero dialogue and it’s about robots!

Goal of the Year

I’m sure Cristiano Ronaldo scored a more perfect goal or Messi dribbled through a whole team but for me Takayuki Suzuki’s opening goal for the Timbers vs Seattle was truly a thing of beauty. Why? a) it’s a top shelf goal b) it is against the evil Shittle Flounders (Seattle Sounders) c) It is against Shittle and d) It’s against Shittle. Oh and it is also a hell of a strike.

Here is a video from the middle of the Timbers Army. Gives you a sense of the craziness that goes on during a match. I was standing right next to the guy taking this shot. My favorite thing about this video is the woman screaming orgasmically “Oh my god! Oh my god! Taka!”.

End of the Year Lists

Okay so I hate end of the year lists. Everyone does them and they are pretty trite. You will find them on every blog this week.

So this year I am doing something a bit different. I am going to do a video end of the year list. On random things that strike my fancy. First up…soccer goal of the year.

There will be a new “Best Of” every 3 hours or so until New Years. Whew…

Sex Writing Tips from Steve Almond

One of the true gems I got out of my last relationship* was the discovery of the author Steve Almond.

He is the author of such gems as “My Life in Heavy Metal” and “CandyFreak” and “Which Brings Me to You”. He excels in the short story format and is excellent at describing the messy reality of sex and relationships.

So when I came across his “10 Tips for Writing Sex Scenes”, I thought I would share his points with you my dear readers (all three of you).

A couple of my favs:

1) Stop having sex.

This is very important. Remember that the sexiest thing about sex is really desire, which is just a fancy word for not getting laid.

and

3(a) Resist the temptation to use genital euphemisms (unless you are trying to be funny).

No: tunnel of love, candy shop, secret garden, pleasure gate, bearded clam.

Equally no: mule, flesh kabob, magic wand, shaft of manhood.

I could go on, but only for my own amusement.

and

9) Use all the senses.

The cool thing about sex — aside from its being, uh, sex — is that it engages all five of our human senses. So don’t ignore the more subtle cues. Give us the scents and the tastes and the sounds of the act. And stay away from the obvious ones. By which I mean that I’d take a sweet, embarrassed pussyfart over a shuddering moan any day.

You can quote me on that.

Go read the whole thing it’s pretty funny and dead on if you have ever tried to write a sex scene.

*Okay, on a different front, and inspired by Almond, I am not sure I am going to keep calling what S and I were in a “relationship”. I need another word for it. One I don’t think exists in the English language. “Dating”? That implies we went to dinner and drinks on occasion. “Fling”? that implies carefree. “FWB” ? Well the benefits weren’t that often to make it that. “Affair”? But that implies one of us were cheating on another. “Fall Romance”? Who the hell ever heard of a fall romance? An “intense rapport”?

But we certainly we not in a relationship. I think back and laugh out loud at the way she swallowed and her voice cracked when she introduced me as “her boyfriend”. Like she was in physical pain. Relationship implies something real and tangible. We were certainly neither of those things.

I spent the whole time in a heightened sense of anxiety, tip toeing around and hoping “Not To Do The Wrong Thing” (i.e. being a pussy) and she spent the whole time in a state of “Great Personal Reflection and Wondering Whether She Can Do This” (i.e. being a narcissistic, navel gazing drama queen) . We both orbited around each other playing those roles of Pussy and Narcissistic Drama Queen Perhaps we were in a “Orbital Emotional Proximity Association?”.

Shoplifting Pooch

We now interrupt this regularly scheduled blog full of overwrought passion and angry political rants for a little holiday humor.

Enjoy.

Updated…Apparently there are a number of animal shoplifters. This particular seagull enjoys Cheese Dorritos.

Franken Takes The Lead! This One Was for Paul

So if you are a political junkie like me you have been following the Minnesota recount of the Senate race between Al Franken and the loathsome Norm Coleman.

Excellent coverage here
and here.

This race is personal to me. Norm Coleman is an odious little man who oozes smarmyness and is always cutting corners. In fact he is under FBI investigation right now for improper cash payments to his wife and accepting thousands of dollars in free suits. I guess you can call him a male Palin.

Beyond his sleaziness is the fact that he took the seat from Paul Wellstone. That hurts.

To be accurate he took Paul Wellstone’s seat after Wellstone and his wife died in a plane crash two weeks before the election in 2002 between Coleman and Wellstone.

Paul Wellstone was the last true liberal in the US Senate. He was a champion of the disenfranchised and had a way of explaining liberalism in a populist way that connected with the middle class voter who for too long has voted against their self-interests because of cultural wars.

Wellstone was my sister’s advisor at Carleton College where he was a professor for many years prior to running for the Senate and by all accounts an intense and deeply committed man.

He was a personal hero of mine and my “Wellstone for President 2000″ t-shirt still proudly hangs in my living room.

I cried when his plane went down and I cried when Norm Coleman won his seat and I cried today in happiness when I logged onto the Minneapolis Star-Tribune and saw the latest.

Congratulations Senator- Elect Al Franken. Do Paul proud.

Nothing Better

So I was walking down the street this evening wondering how my dog could possibly enjoy this walk and freezing my bum off. I was listening to my Ipod per normal and I had it on shuffle and this song by the Postal Service came on – “Nothing Better”.

I haven’t listened to this album in ages but this song immediately transported me back to my last serious relationship. E and I spent about three years engaged in the dynamics expressed in this song. Rinse and repeat at least 5 times.

On one level this song comes off as cute, perhaps the synth style with her voice does that, but then when you examine it more you realize it describes the dynamic in so many relationships – both the yearning for growing old together but the realism that it is just not going to work. How we think if you just love someone hard enough than that’s enough. It points out how hard it is to let go of that dream and thus that person.

Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together
Don’t you feed me lines about some idealistic future
Your heart won’t heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures

Ouch.

Idealism vs Realism.

Guess which one I am?

P.S. – I kinda have a big crush on the woman in this video